I’m sorry, I have what?

Quick overview.. My life was pretty simple… Met my husband at 18, got married at 23, bought a home at 27. The simpleness stopped when I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. My doctor thought it would be a good idea to blog, and let my feelings show this way. So that’s what I’ve decided to do. I’m no English teacher (that’s my brother) so i apologize in advance for my misspelling of words, punctuation, and vulgar mouth at times.

November 12, 2013. 11/12/13 what an easy day to remember and a hard one to forget.

“I’m sorry, I have what??” was my response to the doctor after hearing I’m his youngest patient with breast cancer. With tears in his eyes he says “I’m so sorry Allison.” At that point I think I was more mad at the fact that he called me Allison instead of Allie. (those of you who know me, know i HATE to be called Allison.) I was in complete shock. Wasn’t sure what to say, feel or do. I kind of just sat there feeling emotionless.

The Doctor then started explaining my next steps on what to do, and all I heard was “womp womp womp” like the teacher from Charlie Brown. Nothing made sense, I couldn’t focus or process anything. I’m 27 years old, wtf?! To be honest, what was really going through my head was “Fuck, I have to go back to work after this.” For those of you who don’t know, I work for my father who is not the easiest to deal with. He’s bossy, shows no emotion, and no sympathy. Needless to say, I get to work and my loving dads response was “OK, we will deal with that later. You have a ton of shit to do. And DONT cry in front of the customers.” H0w typical of him. And people really wonder why im such a mean little bitch sometimes.

I continued throughout my day as if nothing was wrong. I honestly dont even think it fully hit me at that point.. I didn’t have enough time to fully process it yet. I wasn’t sure if i should keep it a secret, or tell all my friends, close friends, my family.. This obviously wasn’t in my plans and NOT how i pictured going into the New Year. I had plans to do my 4th bodybuilding competition in April, go to Bermuda again, talk about having a baby.. I definitely didn’t see this coming. I feel like my plans are suddenly put on hold. Being 27 and hearing you have Cancer makes things a hell of a lot different. I went from a crazy party girl, to a woman with breast cancer in the matter of minutes.

But that’s what life is. Its full of surprises. Some good, some bad. So I look at this as just another bump in the road, another story to tell, and just one more thing to make me that much stronger.

Everyone knows i have a BIG mouth and always say whats on my mind. With this… this is a little different. I feel like its hard to express myself, and really come out and say how I’m feeling. People think I’m fine, because  I hold everything in and act fine.. I still go out and have fun with my friends. But like a friend said, “holding in your emotions will eat away at you faster than the cancer ever could.” VERY TRUE.

My doctor thought it would be a good idea to write my feelings down or blog. So that’s what I have decided to do. Im going to blog through my journey with breast cancer and just my exciting life in general!

Hope you guys enjoy my blogs 🙂

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “I’m sorry, I have what?

  1. Great idea, putting your feeling and thoughts down always help …. Stay strong, head up and punch this right in the face!!👊 We are all here for you, love you.

  2. You are the most beautiful soul ever!!! Your journey may be a challenge at times but it will never take the light from your soul…it burns to bright always!!! You remain stronger than ever, because now is the time and in the end we will have the biggest mo fo par tayyyyy evaaaaaa and dance to the moon and back!!! I love you……XO

  3. Allie I have known you for so many years now. From Lola getting kicked out of spanish class, to Broadway brawls, to wild beasts at banks, to big crazy Weddings. We have had up’s and down’s and stagnant straight roads, but we have always remained friends. I have always loved your fire and spicy attitude, but right now I am simply in awe of your humility and strength. You have always been sexy and hot and just plain gorgeous, but for the first time I just realized just how beautiful you really are.

    I am so proud to call you my Cacha! I love you like a love song baby!! ❤

  4. I hate to cry too I also feels like it shows weakness, however the strong cud always use a good cry and let it out. I’ve learned that it’s not so bad and releases negativity I may be holding in. I don’t have cancer I can’t imagine wat u are going thru. I can say that you are loved and thought about everyday and prayers are being said for you to overcome this and to fight it and for you to be able to have peace within you that everything will be ok. I respect your strength and courage. I Love you, -Adair

  5. Hey chic! So, ironically enough, cancer is what brought our paths together. From the moment I met you and your husband I knew that the both of you were good people and I never wanted to lose touch with either of you. I KNOW I’m far away, but I wasn’t you to know that I am here foryou. at anytime of the day or night. For random silly conversation, or to vent our be angry. I got you lady. You got this. #fuckcancer #fightlikeagirl ❤

  6. I admire your courage and strength to fight this disease.
    You are a beautiful person inside and out and an inspiration to me and others! My prayers and encouragement are with you and your family….xoxoxoxoxo

  7. Honey that inner strength and encouragement You are givig others will get you through this .I have no doubt. Amazing how 1 person can change others life . ..i enjoyed your blog and thanks for selflessly sharing .you got this baby ,you’ve got this beat.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s