Quick overview.. My life was pretty simple… Met my husband at 18, got married at 23, bought a home at 27. The simpleness stopped when I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. My doctor thought it would be a good idea to blog, and let my feelings show this way. So that’s what I’ve decided to do. I’m no English teacher (that’s my brother) so i apologize in advance for my misspelling of words, punctuation, and vulgar mouth at times.
November 12, 2013. 11/12/13 what an easy day to remember and a hard one to forget.
“I’m sorry, I have what??” was my response to the doctor after hearing I’m his youngest patient with breast cancer. With tears in his eyes he says “I’m so sorry Allison.” At that point I think I was more mad at the fact that he called me Allison instead of Allie. (those of you who know me, know i HATE to be called Allison.) I was in complete shock. Wasn’t sure what to say, feel or do. I kind of just sat there feeling emotionless.
The Doctor then started explaining my next steps on what to do, and all I heard was “womp womp womp” like the teacher from Charlie Brown. Nothing made sense, I couldn’t focus or process anything. I’m 27 years old, wtf?! To be honest, what was really going through my head was “Fuck, I have to go back to work after this.” For those of you who don’t know, I work for my father who is not the easiest to deal with. He’s bossy, shows no emotion, and no sympathy. Needless to say, I get to work and my loving dads response was “OK, we will deal with that later. You have a ton of shit to do. And DONT cry in front of the customers.” H0w typical of him. And people really wonder why im such a mean little bitch sometimes.
I continued throughout my day as if nothing was wrong. I honestly dont even think it fully hit me at that point.. I didn’t have enough time to fully process it yet. I wasn’t sure if i should keep it a secret, or tell all my friends, close friends, my family.. This obviously wasn’t in my plans and NOT how i pictured going into the New Year. I had plans to do my 4th bodybuilding competition in April, go to Bermuda again, talk about having a baby.. I definitely didn’t see this coming. I feel like my plans are suddenly put on hold. Being 27 and hearing you have Cancer makes things a hell of a lot different. I went from a crazy party girl, to a woman with breast cancer in the matter of minutes.
But that’s what life is. Its full of surprises. Some good, some bad. So I look at this as just another bump in the road, another story to tell, and just one more thing to make me that much stronger.
Everyone knows i have a BIG mouth and always say whats on my mind. With this… this is a little different. I feel like its hard to express myself, and really come out and say how I’m feeling. People think I’m fine, because I hold everything in and act fine.. I still go out and have fun with my friends. But like a friend said, “holding in your emotions will eat away at you faster than the cancer ever could.” VERY TRUE.
My doctor thought it would be a good idea to write my feelings down or blog. So that’s what I have decided to do. Im going to blog through my journey with breast cancer and just my exciting life in general!
Hope you guys enjoy my blogs 🙂