Im a Mutant!

 112,

It’s been a while since I wrote my last blog. I haven’t wrote in a while because I was trying to keep my mind off everything, and try and focus on being myself again. The past few weeks, I started training for my upcoming show in April, started dieting, and becoming my crazy funny self again (with abs of course). I finally could wake up happy, feeling like the worst was behind me. Yea well, that didn’t last long. It was just the calm before the storm. Story of my life. When you have cancer, you think its just a tumor, you get surgery, go through a bunch of physical/emotional bull shit, get your treatments, and your done. Umm nope. Its not only all that, its test, after test, waiting, and more waiting. Its mostly a stressful inconvenience if you ask me. So, where to start…

About 3 weeks ago I had a few tests done. I had what they call genetic testing. In a nut shell, they basically tested me to see if I carry the breast/ovarian cancer Gene. Since I’m so young, and cancer runs very high in my family, my doctor thought it would be a good idea to get tested. Well, low and behold, a mutation was found in my results. What does this mean? It means I have an up to 40% chance of developing ovarian cancer, and up to 87% chance of the breast cancer coming back. The mutation that was found, was inherited from either my mother or my father. (thanks a lot guys) My doctor said 1 in 800 people carry this mutation. Not bad, right? But then she told me that 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jews (which I am) carry it. Well fuck me, and you all make fun of me being a Jew! If the Jews weren’t put through enough with the Holocaust, now we have to deal with high rates of Cancer. WTF!

With the genetic testing being positive, and my age being so young my doctor highly recommends a double mastectomy and reconstruction. It’s the smartest thing to do, and will save my life in the end. After giving me a few options on how to do it and expressing her opinion, she asked me “What’s your opinion?” What’s my opinion? My opinion is, this is bull shit! I should be deciding where to go on vacation this year, or what to wear tomorrow for work. I shouldn’t be having to make these life altering decisions at 27 years old. And to be honest, there isn’t really much of a choice. I have to do what’s best for me and my health, and my future. But hell, I just spent $7500 on these bad boys to make them perfect.. Now I have to get them removed and reconstructed. What a waste, can I get a refund?!

These past few days has really been a mind fuck. (Excuse my language this whole blog) The show I was planning on doing in April.. Yea, that’s not happening now. That long weekend vacation I was planning in Mexico, that’s not happening. Once again, everything is placed on hold. To think, I was just happy and hopeful a few days ago.. Now I’m back to feeling numb and pissed off. I feel like I’ve been on this emotional rollercoaster for months now and its never ending. I’m very bitchy while dieting and training, now add this on top of it.. Watch out world!

I have no more than 3 weeks to decide, but its pretty obvious in what the choice will be. Until then, I will still train and diet, in hopes that my doctor will say she made a mistake, or hope that this is all a dream and I will wake up happy and healthy tomorrow!

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