A wonder lasts but nine days

cancer

9 days.. In just 9 days, I will be having my 9th surgery. In 9 days, I will be having my 1st surgery of this year. Unfortunately, this will be the 1st of many this year. My last surgery was in August. So I had a nice little break in between surgeries.

I don’t really get nervous about any of my surgeries until the night before. The night before I am usually up all night, tossing and turning with my mind racing out of control. This time, its a little different. As of now, I cant sleep, I cant think, I can barely eat, and I’ve been super sick with my chrones. #1 cause of the chrones is stress. HA! With all the complications in the past, I’m beyond nervous for this upcoming surgery. My past surgeries, during reconstruction, I had the double mastectomy followed by the tissue expanders. Which I became very sick, my body rejected the expanders. I had multiple emergency surgeries and countless hospital visits. Pain beyond belief. Nightmare after nightmare.

January 28th, 2015 will be my MOST complicated surgery yet. The surgery calls for 8-10 hours under the knife. BUT my doctor will be doing it with another surgeon, so it wont be as long. THANK GOD. I’ll be in the hospital for a little while- my 2nd home. So, what will they be doing this time around?

This is called the Latissimus Dorsi Muscle. It’s the muscle that helps you do twisting movements.

dorsiYea… They will be removing both sides from me to reconstruct my breasts. They take an oval flap of skin, fat, muscle, and blood vessels from your upper back and use it to reconstruct the breasts. The blood vessels (artery and vein) of the flap are left attached to their original blood supply in your back. Super complicated, I know. This was my LAST and only option. I only weigh 100 pounds, so I have no fat elsewhere for them to take. If I weren’t so sick all the time, I could have gained more weight, and they could have taken fat and muscle from my stomach. But that wasn’t the case. And in a normal case, woman only get ONE side done. But as we all know, I’m not normal, and I am getting both sides done.

Thinking about it gets me stressed out, let alone trying to explain it. I may have partial loss of strength or function that makes it hard to lift things and twist, which sucks because we all know, I LOVE to lift, go to the gym, and do my competitions. Sometimes, people even need physical therapy afterwards. Which I’m hoping that is NOT the case for me. So how will I sleep? Standing up? Sitting up? I will have 2 huge incisions on my back, and 2 huge incisions on my chest when I wake up. Not to mention, SIX drains this time to drain all the blood and fluids. 4 in my front, 2 in my back. That is the most drains I’ve ever had. That’s going to be A LOT of bedazzling!

As I shared in my last blog, this is why I don’t do the “New Year, New Me” bull shit. Because in my life, I need to take my days as they come. I can’t think of a new year as a fresh start, or a new year for things to change. I’m sick, and this is my life. Do I wish for a new year, with no surgeries, no hospital stays, no bad news, and no cancer centers? ABSOLUTELY 100%. There is nothing more I want, than to be normal again, and to live a, happy, healthy life. But that’s not the case right now, and I am ok with that. I have my support. I have my love, my family, and my friends by my side no matter what. As long as I have that, I’m ok, I’m grateful, and I am beyond blessed.

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3 thoughts on “A wonder lasts but nine days

  1. You will be in my prayers as always. Hang touugh, you are one of the strongest people I know. Everything will work out. Good thoughts only, Strenghth, courage and wisdom Ally!

    Love,
    Diana

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