It may be stormy now, but it can’t rain forever.
That is my favorite quote of all time. I even have it tattooed on my arm, as a daily reminder. You gotta fight through some of the really bad stuff, get through some of the really bad days.. But it doesn’t always last. Although it may seem like it’s a never ending road.. It will always get better.
Almost 2 weeks ago, I had my 9th surgery. Waking up that morning with mixed emotions, I slowly put on my cancer shirt that said “hero”, sat down, and stared at myself in the mirror for a good 10 minutes. Tears filling up in my eyes, I had to give myself a pep talk.
“Allie, man up. This is a cake walk for you. You’re pro at this. Stop being a little bitch!” I told myself.
I think it was the fact that I knew what this surgery in tailed, is why I was so scared and nervous. Basically, Justin just ended up dragging me out of the house.
The whole car ride to the hospital we sat in silence. By silence, I mean we didn’t talk, because I was blasting house music to amp myself up for the surgery. Every surgery I have, I blast house music and have my own little dance party to get me ready for surgery. I’ve posted videos before, and I’m sure when people see me dancing by myself in the parking garage they think I’m nuts. But hey, you gotta do whatever it is to take your mind off things!
So here I am at the hospital with Justin, my dad and my brother. Sitting there in my gown, waiting to be stretched away. I look over and say “dad, I have a secret” little did he know, I’ve been hiding my new tattoo from him for about a month! I got my whole entire arm tattood. So I figured, now would be the best time to tell him! Haha! He looks at me and says “what, Allison???” And then my brother chimed in and says “dad ur gonna feel like such an idiot!” As all of us laugh. I slowly lift up my sleeve and show my dad my tattoo. His mouth dropped to the floor! Perfect timing, because the doctor was coming to take me away! So needless to say, I got away with that one real good!!!
Waking up from anesthesia was a breeze this time! No complications at all, thank god. I did wake up with a catheter in which made things easier, because I couldn’t walk, and I did wake up in my own room which was weird because I’ve never had my own room before. I had 5 drains in. 3 in my back and 2 in my sides. The pain… The pain was unimaginable, and unbearable. So bad, that the morphine button wasn’t working, and they had to hire the dose for me. I couldn’t move my arm where they took the back muscle from, and it hurt to talk. I was a MESS. Anyways, long story short. The reason I had my own room was because I was in “isolation”. Remember all those last infections I had? Yea well I just found out it was mrsa. A life threatening flesh eating bacteria. Soooooo that’s why I will now, and forever have my own room at the hospital. Thanks, I guess? I refused the flu shot at the hospital, and lied about the pain, so they let me go home early. I only stayed 2 nights when I was supposed to stay 4! Oops!
So now I am home. I can’t sleep. It’s extremely hard to eat. I haven’t weighed myself, but my ribs are still showing, and if I’d guess id say 90/95 pounds. These drains are irritating and pulling, they hurt soooooo bad. I cry almost every night from the pain. They’ve even busted open a few times during the night where i wake up to blood and ooze all over me to where I think I’m dying! So gross. I can’t shower by myself, I can’t get dressed by myself, I can’t do anything by myself. At least until these drains are out. Worst surgery yet. Which I knew it would be. But do you know what I can say honestly gets me through my days? The love and support of my family, friends and strangers. I have been getting emails and messages like CRAZY!!!! And like i keep saying. None of this was ever my intention. I shared my story to vent. Not to help others. Now I see what I am doing for others, and how I am helping.. Never in a million years would I think this would happen. I feel like this was my calling. To help others. And it is such an amazing feeling. If it weren’t for cancer, I wouldn’t be inspiring and helping people the way I’ve been. So in a way, I truly believe I was meant to handle this, and beat this.
I wanted to share a few of the messages I’ve been receiving. Anonymously of course.. And mind you, 90% of these people are strangers..
Dear sweet Allie, Until I saw your video I had no idea what you have been going through! I wept and my heart hurt. But since, I have seen how you have so much strength, courage, and bravery to share! It’s is remarkable! You have always been a beautiful girl now it shines from the inside out. I am so proud of you and how you are helping others even when you may need it more. What you are doing is powerful and inspiring. You are a role model to all women. May God continue to bless you and hold you close! I will continue pray for you but I know that bigger and better things are headed your way! Keep on doing what you are doing cuz you’re pretty special! xoxox
My mom died of cancer. And I have always fears I would get it to. And you are such a ray of sunshine and have been through so much and are such a fighter. That you give hope that I could be a fighter like you. God Bless you Allie you are my HERO!!!
Tonight I was looking for a message from God to continue to fight my battles, it’s not cancer but health issues I’ve been avoiding and fighting through pain of 13 surgeries between my ankle and knee. Though we don’t personally know each other somehow I came across your page in which I believe that was my message from God. You truly are an inspiration and the bravest person in the world. With all my heart and soul I pray and hope you heal quickly and become cancer free. You have taught me just by reading your statues and looking at your gorgeous picture more then 99% of the ppl that are in my life. I will every night say a prayer for YOU because YOU are truly amazing. Please don’t look at this and say boy this girl is crazy lol because I’m not I just had to reach out to you. THANK YOU for being you and saying #FuckCancer you are a hero to women and men God bless you always
wow allie…..something amazing is happening to you. I know its painful and scary, but I BELEIVE God is taking you through this for a reason. I know in my heart there’s no way you could touch this many lives and encourage strength and perceverence without this disease in your life. Years from now, the scars will fade and you will have this amazing strength that couldn’t have come any other way. I pray God overwelmes you with blessings you don’t have ROOM to receive. I love you and you’re always in my heart and prayers.
I’m sure you hear this all the time but I’m praying for you to have a speedy recovery & I just wanted to let you know , that I hope I become half as strong as the woman you are today 👏🙏
I know you don’t know me, but I just wanted to say you are a inspiration and a true hero. My sister died from cancer, and only if she had known you and your positivity. I really think she’d have some more fight in her. God bless you.
Allie I truly believe that God has a purpose for all of us….and your purpose is to be an inspiration for everyone. ..your message and your positive outlook on life is amazing. .. Thank you so much for sharing this part of your journey of your life with us…. I just recently started following you and I am 100% inspired by your whole outlook. .. Allie you are a Chosen One….God Bless you and God Bless all the people’s lives you have touched and will continue to touch…. 💛 .. Keep the strength and stay as strong as you have been…. ☺
These are just a few of the messages I’ve been receiving. Not only that, a complete stranger donated $500 to me, just because he said I am a true inspiration and hero to him. I swear, it’s these messages that truly make my day, make me fight each day, make me fight harder and make me want to continue and inspire others. Although I am physically and emotionally in pain, I can honestly say my heart is happy and filled with joy. I can not wait till I am better, and see where the rest of this journey takes me! THIS is what I was meant to do. So I hope you’re not tired of seeing my pictures, videos or blogs.. Because there is going to be a lot more of it!
All I can keep saying, is thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has stuck by, and supported me. This is only the beginning ❤️