#10 goes down in the books!
“Number 10 is the Hero. First a 1, then a 0.”
A little girl said this to me the other day.. Its funny that kids can say the smallest things, and it can make such a huge difference in the way you think, or feel.
April 28th, 2015 will be my number TEN. 4 days after my 29th birthday. Yes, 10th surgery. After this, I’ll have to start counting surgeries on my little toes! Last year, 5 days after my birthday I was getting my double mastectomy. So I guess just keep the surgeries coming! As much as I can say I’m used to the surgeries, there is still a little bit of doubt.. Still a little bit of worry and anxiety. This is my life now. As long as I’ve been dealing with it, and going through everything.. I’ll never fully get used to “this life”.
THANK GOD for my vacation. Which started to turn into a stay-cation! Since I was diagnosed in November of 2013, it has literally been doctors appointments, hospital stays, and cancer centers NON STOP. There hasn’t been one week where there wasn’t a appointment. I have not had a break up until this vacation. It was SO NICE to just get away and not think about anything for a few weeks. BUT of course my luck, I was sick almost all vacation. Weather change maybe? It was horrible. I did manage to sleep my days away in the sun, and get a deep dark golden tan! A tan will make anyone feel better! While being on vacation, I didn’t think about doctors appointments once! I did think about the past few years though.. All I’ve been through. All I’m going through.. And all I’m still about to go through. I start to think it gets better and easier, and then something happens, and its 10 steps back.
In a previous blog, before I started chemo, before I even KNEW i was gonna have to go through chemo, I wrote about a dream I had. The dream was that I was on a beach, just me. There was no one else around. I was sitting staring at the water, wind blowing on my face and over my bald head. That dream I had literally came true. While on vacation, I went for a walk, and was sitting on the beach. Thinking about all I have been through, and how I am SO BLESSED to be here, on this beach, enjoying this vacation, enjoying life.. The wind was blowing in my face, over my bald head. As I’m sitting there, a rush of emotions just came over me. Tears formed in my eyes, and just started flooding down my face. Kind of like now, as I write this blog.
All I have been through, and all of the surgeries.. I think what that little girl said to me. 10 is a hero. She’s right. My mom tells me all the time that I’m her little hero. I get upset when she says that because what mother wants to say that to her daughter? What mother wants to see her daughter go through what I’ve been going through? What PARENT wants to see their child go through this? At times like this, is where I have to stay strong. Not just for myself, but for my mom so I can continue to be her hero, and continue to make her proud. When I actually sit back, and think about everything.. I guess I’d like to think that I am my own hero too. I’d also like to think, that if I close my eyes and count to 10 that this would be all over!
So, here’s to my 10th surgery, on the 28th, right after my 29th Birthday! Like my friend who’s beat cancer 5 times always says “Cancer has no filter, so neither will I. FUCK CANCER!”
Transformation Tuesday! Soooooooo it took ALOT of balls to finally post a pic like this.. Cancer “transformed” me in many ways.. It took my hair, my breasts, and my confidence.. But what you can’t see in this picture, is that the real transformation is on the inside. After all I have been through, I have realized.. It doesn’t matter if I have hair, or if I have boobs.. Beauty is not in the face, or the body. it is in the light of the heart ❤️ #FUCKCANCER
I’ve always said I’ve met some pretty amazing people along this journey. I’ve met people just starting their fight, ending their fight, and people who’ve won their fight. Most of the people I’ve met I meet through blogging, Facebook or Instagram. Some live semi close, others live far, one even lives in the UK! Social media can be an amazing thing sometimes. We all can relate, and have an instant bond and connection because of what we have gone through.
I finally got the pleasure of meeting one of my fellow survivors, Rich Canci. We don’t live near each other, so we met half way. Not only is he a survivor, he is a FIVE TIME SURVIVOR being first diagnosed at 8 years old. Rich is now 23 years old, and a year cancer free! He’s a true inspiration, and has an amazing outlook on life, like myself. Like we all should.
After all Rich has been through, and knowing how hard hospital bills, bills in general, and how hard life can be.. He followed his dream, and started up his own foundation. The foundation is called The Five Time Foundation. He will be selling awesome shirts, doing events, and raising money to help those in need. He started a GoFundMe page, to help raise money for the foundation to get it started. Please help him in any way you can, so he can continue to inspire and help the ones fighting!
It may be stormy now, but it can’t rain forever.
That is my favorite quote of all time. I even have it tattooed on my arm, as a daily reminder. You gotta fight through some of the really bad stuff, get through some of the really bad days.. But it doesn’t always last. Although it may seem like it’s a never ending road.. It will always get better.
Almost 2 weeks ago, I had my 9th surgery. Waking up that morning with mixed emotions, I slowly put on my cancer shirt that said “hero”, sat down, and stared at myself in the mirror for a good 10 minutes. Tears filling up in my eyes, I had to give myself a pep talk.
“Allie, man up. This is a cake walk for you. You’re pro at this. Stop being a little bitch!” I told myself.
I think it was the fact that I knew what this surgery in tailed, is why I was so scared and nervous. Basically, Justin just ended up dragging me out of the house.
The whole car ride to the hospital we sat in silence. By silence, I mean we didn’t talk, because I was blasting house music to amp myself up for the surgery. Every surgery I have, I blast house music and have my own little dance party to get me ready for surgery. I’ve posted videos before, and I’m sure when people see me dancing by myself in the parking garage they think I’m nuts. But hey, you gotta do whatever it is to take your mind off things!
So here I am at the hospital with Justin, my dad and my brother. Sitting there in my gown, waiting to be stretched away. I look over and say “dad, I have a secret” little did he know, I’ve been hiding my new tattoo from him for about a month! I got my whole entire arm tattood. So I figured, now would be the best time to tell him! Haha! He looks at me and says “what, Allison???” And then my brother chimed in and says “dad ur gonna feel like such an idiot!” As all of us laugh. I slowly lift up my sleeve and show my dad my tattoo. His mouth dropped to the floor! Perfect timing, because the doctor was coming to take me away! So needless to say, I got away with that one real good!!!
Waking up from anesthesia was a breeze this time! No complications at all, thank god. I did wake up with a catheter in which made things easier, because I couldn’t walk, and I did wake up in my own room which was weird because I’ve never had my own room before. I had 5 drains in. 3 in my back and 2 in my sides. The pain… The pain was unimaginable, and unbearable. So bad, that the morphine button wasn’t working, and they had to hire the dose for me. I couldn’t move my arm where they took the back muscle from, and it hurt to talk. I was a MESS. Anyways, long story short. The reason I had my own room was because I was in “isolation”. Remember all those last infections I had? Yea well I just found out it was mrsa. A life threatening flesh eating bacteria. Soooooo that’s why I will now, and forever have my own room at the hospital. Thanks, I guess? I refused the flu shot at the hospital, and lied about the pain, so they let me go home early. I only stayed 2 nights when I was supposed to stay 4! Oops!
So now I am home. I can’t sleep. It’s extremely hard to eat. I haven’t weighed myself, but my ribs are still showing, and if I’d guess id say 90/95 pounds. These drains are irritating and pulling, they hurt soooooo bad. I cry almost every night from the pain. They’ve even busted open a few times during the night where i wake up to blood and ooze all over me to where I think I’m dying! So gross. I can’t shower by myself, I can’t get dressed by myself, I can’t do anything by myself. At least until these drains are out. Worst surgery yet. Which I knew it would be. But do you know what I can say honestly gets me through my days? The love and support of my family, friends and strangers. I have been getting emails and messages like CRAZY!!!! And like i keep saying. None of this was ever my intention. I shared my story to vent. Not to help others. Now I see what I am doing for others, and how I am helping.. Never in a million years would I think this would happen. I feel like this was my calling. To help others. And it is such an amazing feeling. If it weren’t for cancer, I wouldn’t be inspiring and helping people the way I’ve been. So in a way, I truly believe I was meant to handle this, and beat this.
I wanted to share a few of the messages I’ve been receiving. Anonymously of course.. And mind you, 90% of these people are strangers..
Dear sweet Allie, Until I saw your video I had no idea what you have been going through! I wept and my heart hurt. But since, I have seen how you have so much strength, courage, and bravery to share! It’s is remarkable! You have always been a beautiful girl now it shines from the inside out. I am so proud of you and how you are helping others even when you may need it more. What you are doing is powerful and inspiring. You are a role model to all women. May God continue to bless you and hold you close! I will continue pray for you but I know that bigger and better things are headed your way! Keep on doing what you are doing cuz you’re pretty special! xoxox
My mom died of cancer. And I have always fears I would get it to. And you are such a ray of sunshine and have been through so much and are such a fighter. That you give hope that I could be a fighter like you. God Bless you Allie you are my HERO!!!
Tonight I was looking for a message from God to continue to fight my battles, it’s not cancer but health issues I’ve been avoiding and fighting through pain of 13 surgeries between my ankle and knee. Though we don’t personally know each other somehow I came across your page in which I believe that was my message from God. You truly are an inspiration and the bravest person in the world. With all my heart and soul I pray and hope you heal quickly and become cancer free. You have taught me just by reading your statues and looking at your gorgeous picture more then 99% of the ppl that are in my life. I will every night say a prayer for YOU because YOU are truly amazing. Please don’t look at this and say boy this girl is crazy lol because I’m not I just had to reach out to you. THANK YOU for being you and saying #FuckCancer you are a hero to women and men God bless you always
wow allie…..something amazing is happening to you. I know its painful and scary, but I BELEIVE God is taking you through this for a reason. I know in my heart there’s no way you could touch this many lives and encourage strength and perceverence without this disease in your life. Years from now, the scars will fade and you will have this amazing strength that couldn’t have come any other way. I pray God overwelmes you with blessings you don’t have ROOM to receive. I love you and you’re always in my heart and prayers.
I’m sure you hear this all the time but I’m praying for you to have a speedy recovery & I just wanted to let you know , that I hope I become half as strong as the woman you are today 👏🙏
I know you don’t know me, but I just wanted to say you are a inspiration and a true hero. My sister died from cancer, and only if she had known you and your positivity. I really think she’d have some more fight in her. God bless you.
Allie I truly believe that God has a purpose for all of us….and your purpose is to be an inspiration for everyone. ..your message and your positive outlook on life is amazing. .. Thank you so much for sharing this part of your journey of your life with us…. I just recently started following you and I am 100% inspired by your whole outlook. .. Allie you are a Chosen One….God Bless you and God Bless all the people’s lives you have touched and will continue to touch…. 💛 .. Keep the strength and stay as strong as you have been…. ☺
These are just a few of the messages I’ve been receiving. Not only that, a complete stranger donated $500 to me, just because he said I am a true inspiration and hero to him. I swear, it’s these messages that truly make my day, make me fight each day, make me fight harder and make me want to continue and inspire others. Although I am physically and emotionally in pain, I can honestly say my heart is happy and filled with joy. I can not wait till I am better, and see where the rest of this journey takes me! THIS is what I was meant to do. So I hope you’re not tired of seeing my pictures, videos or blogs.. Because there is going to be a lot more of it!
All I can keep saying, is thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has stuck by, and supported me. This is only the beginning ❤️
First I wanted to thank everyone for the love and support after my past surgery. My last video went viral. I’ve gotten amazing messages and emails, and one really touched my heart. It was explaining to me about a beautiful 12 year old girl named Bo that was just diagnosed with brain cancer. I was asked to do a video, to cheer her up and give her some inspiration. Thank you to everyone that helped me with this amazing video. Please share this video, and help this beautiful little girl and her family, in any way that you can http://www.gofundme.com/l0ojt8
So we started back up a donation site just because of this past surgery.. My first donation was from a stranger, and so BEYOND GENEROUS. I just have to say I am so thankful and grateful beyond words. It’s AMAZING to know that there are still some great people left in this world ❤️